Tragedy.

Think I'm going go hurl from all of this stress and loneliness.

You love her. I guess I always saw this coming, but it played out so differently in my head so many times that I can't help but be hurt. It's supposed to be me, and I just don't understand why it isn't. I know I love you way more than she ever will, and I know that you know that. I honestly think that somewhere deep down it is me, but I know that it will never work out that way. So, you get your happy ever after while I get to deal with my broken heart. It's not going to be fun, but I have to pick myself up, piece myself back together, and just forget about you. Even if I don't want too.

meaningless rhymes

Sleepless nights
Worse tomorrows
Hurt souls
Bitter tasting sorrow

You don't know what you do
But my heart it still reacts
To this pain you put me through
How do you expect me to stay intact

Where's that look
Those shimmering eyes
A sideways glance
She's hidden my prize

You don't know what you do
But my heart it still reacts
To this pain you put me through
My mind under some invisible attack

Why do I care
You're not even mine
All of these words
Just meaningless rhymes

You don't know what you do
But my heart it still reacts
To this pain you put me through
Get me out, these bags are already packed

--

I don't know where this song even came from. I wrote down the first line at six a.m. and by seven this was scrawled on my paper. I still haven't slept. I'm too busy thinking about you.

"Here’s to the kids. The kids who would rather spend their night with a bottle of coke and Patrick or Sonny playing on their headphones than go to some vomit-stained high school party. Here’s to the kids whose 11:11 wish was wasted on one person who will never be there for them. Here’s to the kids whose idea of a good night is sitting on the hood of a car, watching the stars. Here’s to the kids who never were too good at life, but still were wicked cool. Here’s to the kids who listened to Fall Out boy and Hawthorne Heights before they were on MTV…and blame MTV for ruining their life. Here’s to the kids who care more about the music than the haircuts. Here’s to the kids who have crushes on a stupid lush. Here’s to the kids who hum “A Little Less 16 Candles, A Little More Touch Me” when they’re stuck home, dateless, on a Saturday night. Here’s to the kids who have ever had a broken heart from someone who didn’t even know they existed. Here’s to the kids who have read The Perks of Being a Wallflower and didn’t feel so alone after doing so. Here’s to the kids who spend their days in photo booths with their best friend(s). Here’s to the kids who are straight up smart-asses and just don’t care. Here’s to the kids who speak their mind. Here’s to the kids who consider screamo their lullaby for going to sleep. Here’s to the kids who second guess themselves on everything they do. Here’s to the kids who will never have 100 percent confidence in anything they do, and to the kids who are okay with that. Here’s to the kids. This one’s not for the kids, who always get what they want, But for the ones who never had it at all. It’s not for the ones who never got caught, But for the ones who always try and fall. This one’s for the kids who didn't make it, We were the kids who never made it. The Overcast girls and the Underdog Boys. Not for the kids who had all their joys. This one’s for the kids who never faked it. We’re the kids who didn’t make it. They say “Breaking hearts is what we do best,” And, “We’ll make your heart be ripped of your chest” The only heart that I broke was mine, When I got My Hopes up too too high. We were the kids who didn't make it. We are the kids who never made it."

-Pete Wentz

I love my mom. Movie nights with her are seriously the best.

I'm trying to be strong, but you always win these fights, and you don't even know that you're throwing punches.

You don't even know that you're slowly ripping me to shreds, and taking my heart with you when you leave the battlefield.

I have two best friends.

One who I know will be there for me for life, and one who has no idea how much he means to me.

And I hold them so close, it hurts. Only because they're the only people who haven't hurt me, and I need them to survive.

WHY AM I BEING SO NEGATIVE WHEN I GET TO GO TO THE AP TOUR IN 91 DAYS?!?!?!!?! Blows my mind.

Just because I'm happy doesn't mean everything's okay. I'm only happy when I'm with you, and somehow that just makes things worse.