so....

it's like four in the morning, and i can't sleep. i really want too, but it's just not happening.

i don't know if i seriously have something wrong with me, or if i just have too much shit on my mind.

it seems everything's gone down the drain latley. on top of that, i'm way undecided about an issue that hasn't ever stumped me before, and it's bugging the mother loving poop out of me.

and then on top of that, my best friend and my second family are going through hell. i wish i could make it better, but hey, i'm only some teenager. i just hope she knows i love her, and that i'll be there for her if she needs me.

is it possible to feel this shitty, but still be happy? i mean only in a way, but happy?

Sometimes I try to hide...

What I feel inside

And I turn around

You're with him now

I just can't figure it out

Tell me why

You're so hard to forget

Don't remind me

I'm not over it

Tell me why

I can't seem to face the truth

I'm just a little too not over you

Memories suppose to fade

What's wrong with my heart

Shake it off, let it go

Didn't think it would be this hard

Should be strong, moving on

But I see you

all i want for christmas...

is the boy of my dreamssssssssssssss.
<3

haha, jonas brothers re-lyriced to fit a girl. gotta love it.

well, nothing has progressed in my life. i'm just at this boring standstill that i wish would start moving. it's frustrating as hell, and i seriously don't know what to do.

life is to complicated, but i would be crazy to say i don't love it. (:

i probably won't write again until wednesday, just because i know something's bound to happen at youth, unless i end up going to that josh kids church. i would rather not, though i do want to meet him. haha, long story that i don't think someone would want me to post on a public blog. tehe.

i'm listening to WAR. 60's music is the shizzzzzzzzzz.

and now well i'm gonna go. night.
:D

grrrrr.

why do we have to grow apart from people?

i feel like i've lost one of my best friends, but it's just hitting me now, and they've been gone for a while. i feel horrible about it too, because i know that i may have let someone fall on their face without even thinking about it. or even caring, as bad as that sounds.

ugh.
:/

i feel like such a horrible person.

bleck.

i'm never gonna get to sleep tonight. it's the fact that i know i'm going to have to get up at eight thirty that's going to keep me up. why does my brain always have to mess with me? grrrr.

welllllll, since i'm here, i might as well tell you why i was so happy in my last blog. you know how i've been saying that this thing will never work, and that i don't want to forget. well, there's a slight chance again that it could work, and he's even been talking to me. like, it's nothing big talking, just the simple hello's in the hallway that make my heart beat faster and my knees go weak. yeah, i'm unfortunatly that crazy about him.

that's what scaring me. i know i can be my total self around him, but i still get so nervous. it's like every time i see his face, or his smile, and everytime he walks by me, or talks to me, my heart beat picks up, and i can't control it. i've never felt this way before. it doesn't matter how many times i see him, i don't think i'll ever get used to it.

i know this will make me sound like another one of those twilight geeks, but it's like bella when she's with edward. that's exactly how i feel.

it's strong, and it still could be hopeless. i don't want to believe that, because he makes me feel too good. i don't ever want to lose that feeling, ever.

finally.

everything's getting better. i'm happy again, and i love it.

it's been a week, i'm sorry i'm so horrible at keeping up with this thing. but hey, at least i write in it at all. i wonder who actually reads this. :P

so normally i would be on the bus right now, but we had a 2 hour early release today, yay!
though technically we only got out and hour and 40 minutes early. boooooo. haha.

i don't really know what else to say, other than that i'm happy i'm finally happy again.
:D

headaches and heroes.

i'm tired, and i think i might just go hop in the shower, and then hop into bed. even though i'll just end up reading until like 12:30 like i always do if i start. those twilight books are just too good.

HOLY SHIT. heroes (the tv show) is getting insanely amazing. like, i might shoot myself if i have to wait another week to see it.

it seems weeks go by fast though. time is flying and i can't even begin to believe the semesters almost over. i mean, didn't i just start highschool like 3 days ago?!?! haha. i don't want it to go this fast, it's too fun.

and then it was good.

my best friend has become my best friend again.