Over before it really even began.

Thanks for making me feel like I'm not worth your time. I want to hate you, but we both know that will never happen. And you'll just keep taking advantage of that. You'll just keep running me dry.


Oh to be anywhere but here
Where my broken heart is much too real
Where my body and mind, too much they feel
Where everything is a broken deal

Prove You Wrong - He Is We

You’re the boy with a real nice smile,
But a broken heart inside.
Gave it to a girl, gave it to a girl,
And I think she lost her mind.
Are you giving up and done?
Are you through with all this?
Are you tired of the pain?
Torn to pieces.
Can you let me try?

Tell me it’s all right,
Just for one night.
Show you how to feel like,
What it feels like.
To be hugged, to be kissed.
Yes I can be that part of you.
I’ll try my best.

I’m the girl, I can make you smile,
And I promise to be true.
Give it all,
Give until there’s nothing left to lose.
Don’t say you’re giving up and done,
That you’re through with all this.
Yeah you’re tired of the pain,
Torn to pieces.
Can you let me try?

Tell me it’s all right,
Just for one night.
Show you how to feel like,
What it feels like.
To be hugged, to be kissed.
Be thought of and to be missed.
I can be that part of you,
Let me be that part of you.
I see that you’re breaking,
Your heart is breaking.
Here’s my hand if you’ll take it,
We can make it out,
Of all this mess.
No more stress.
I can be that part of you
I’ll try my best.

Give me your heart,
I don’t want a piece or a part,
I want it all.
I want you to fall,
Just a little bit.
Take that leap of faith,
If you want to,
Don’t let that broken heart haunt you.
Can you let me try?

Tell me it’s all right.
Just for one night,
Show you how to feel like.
What it feels like,
To be hugged, to be kissed.
Be thought of and to be missed.
I can be that part of you,
Let me be that part of you.
I see that you’re breaking,
Your heart is breaking.
Here’s my hand if you’ll take it,
We can make it out,
Of all this mess.
No more stress.
I can be that part of you,
I’ll try my best.

------------------------------

This song means so much to me. So, so much.

(:

It's the way that our fingers entwine. How your lips seem to melt into mine, and how when you wrap your arms around me, it never feels wrong. There's this feeling that shoots through me, like an electric shock, and my heart starts to beat a million miles an hour. When you play with my fingers, or you get just close enough that I can feel your breath. When you kiss me, I feel like I could stay there forever, just touch your warm skin, and feel safe in your arms. I've never had anything feel so right.

Searching Not For Me

Sleepless nights blend into the daylight
Scattered thoughts dishevel my very being
I see you in the wreckage, but much to my dismay
You're far away, searching not for me
But for a girl who breaks hearts
Shatters dreams and steals souls

I've been eating way too much candy.

This week has been amazing.

The only thing that could have made it better is being back home.

I miss Massachusetts way too much.

I hope you aren't mad at me. But she totally deserved every word that I dished out.

If it ever comes to it, I really hope you pick me. But we both know you wont.

I guess I'm okay with that, but deep down it breaks my heart.

Why isn't it me?

What do you see in her?

I guess I'll never know.

I am never going to have a boyfriend in highschool.
No one even looks at me.
Except maybe a few creepy freshman.
It gets lonely.
Really lonely.

When you see a guy, reach for stars in the sky, you can bet that he's doing it for some doll.

I smell like campfire, and I love it.

This play has made me feel so at home. I love the stage now, just as long as I'm not the one with the spotlight on my face.

I also love that I get to spend so much time with people I hardly know and don't need to know.

And you, of course.

I don't want it to end tomorrow, I really, really don't.

You're the funniest person I've ever met, and you're a total sweetheart, and oh Lord, here we go again.

I'll love you, 'til we're black and we're blue...

I lie awake, alone in my bed.
Neither of us can fix, this hole in my chest.
And you're in some town, a thousand miles away.
You're singing your dreams, now you're singing my name.

I'm addicted to this song.
Black and Blue - Carter Hulsey

It was the way you let me wear your hoodie.
It was the way you let me sleep on your shoulder.
It was the way I was always first to know.
It was the way we talked at 1 am about nothing.
It was the way you always said "whenever you do".
It was the way you made me believe.
It was the way we whispered.
It was the way we laughed.
It was the way you made me feel alive.
It was the way you made me feel like myself.
It was the way I fell so damn fast.
It was the way you always chose me.
It was the way you chose her.
It was the way you broke my heart.

Tragedy.

Think I'm going go hurl from all of this stress and loneliness.

You love her. I guess I always saw this coming, but it played out so differently in my head so many times that I can't help but be hurt. It's supposed to be me, and I just don't understand why it isn't. I know I love you way more than she ever will, and I know that you know that. I honestly think that somewhere deep down it is me, but I know that it will never work out that way. So, you get your happy ever after while I get to deal with my broken heart. It's not going to be fun, but I have to pick myself up, piece myself back together, and just forget about you. Even if I don't want too.

meaningless rhymes

Sleepless nights
Worse tomorrows
Hurt souls
Bitter tasting sorrow

You don't know what you do
But my heart it still reacts
To this pain you put me through
How do you expect me to stay intact

Where's that look
Those shimmering eyes
A sideways glance
She's hidden my prize

You don't know what you do
But my heart it still reacts
To this pain you put me through
My mind under some invisible attack

Why do I care
You're not even mine
All of these words
Just meaningless rhymes

You don't know what you do
But my heart it still reacts
To this pain you put me through
Get me out, these bags are already packed

--

I don't know where this song even came from. I wrote down the first line at six a.m. and by seven this was scrawled on my paper. I still haven't slept. I'm too busy thinking about you.

"Here’s to the kids. The kids who would rather spend their night with a bottle of coke and Patrick or Sonny playing on their headphones than go to some vomit-stained high school party. Here’s to the kids whose 11:11 wish was wasted on one person who will never be there for them. Here’s to the kids whose idea of a good night is sitting on the hood of a car, watching the stars. Here’s to the kids who never were too good at life, but still were wicked cool. Here’s to the kids who listened to Fall Out boy and Hawthorne Heights before they were on MTV…and blame MTV for ruining their life. Here’s to the kids who care more about the music than the haircuts. Here’s to the kids who have crushes on a stupid lush. Here’s to the kids who hum “A Little Less 16 Candles, A Little More Touch Me” when they’re stuck home, dateless, on a Saturday night. Here’s to the kids who have ever had a broken heart from someone who didn’t even know they existed. Here’s to the kids who have read The Perks of Being a Wallflower and didn’t feel so alone after doing so. Here’s to the kids who spend their days in photo booths with their best friend(s). Here’s to the kids who are straight up smart-asses and just don’t care. Here’s to the kids who speak their mind. Here’s to the kids who consider screamo their lullaby for going to sleep. Here’s to the kids who second guess themselves on everything they do. Here’s to the kids who will never have 100 percent confidence in anything they do, and to the kids who are okay with that. Here’s to the kids. This one’s not for the kids, who always get what they want, But for the ones who never had it at all. It’s not for the ones who never got caught, But for the ones who always try and fall. This one’s for the kids who didn't make it, We were the kids who never made it. The Overcast girls and the Underdog Boys. Not for the kids who had all their joys. This one’s for the kids who never faked it. We’re the kids who didn’t make it. They say “Breaking hearts is what we do best,” And, “We’ll make your heart be ripped of your chest” The only heart that I broke was mine, When I got My Hopes up too too high. We were the kids who didn't make it. We are the kids who never made it."

-Pete Wentz

I love my mom. Movie nights with her are seriously the best.

I'm trying to be strong, but you always win these fights, and you don't even know that you're throwing punches.

You don't even know that you're slowly ripping me to shreds, and taking my heart with you when you leave the battlefield.

I have two best friends.

One who I know will be there for me for life, and one who has no idea how much he means to me.

And I hold them so close, it hurts. Only because they're the only people who haven't hurt me, and I need them to survive.

WHY AM I BEING SO NEGATIVE WHEN I GET TO GO TO THE AP TOUR IN 91 DAYS?!?!?!!?! Blows my mind.

Just because I'm happy doesn't mean everything's okay. I'm only happy when I'm with you, and somehow that just makes things worse.

My heart is yours
Yours, my dear
Though you don't want it
Keep it near

Do you know how hard it is to only have one class with your best friend, but then on top of that, you sit all the way across the effing room from each other?

It's so not fair.

I know I need to stop thinking about myself in this situation, but you have no idea how hard it is for me to watch you get close to every other girl on the planet while you push me away.

friends > enemies

I sit and I worry,
We haven't talked in days.
What else can I do,
What more can I say?
This isn't alright,
This isn't okay.
You're supposed to be my friend,
Not my enemy.

I'm sick of this.

I can't believe I actually thought he didn't know. But now that I know he does, that just pisses me off. And makes it harder on me.

So much for posting a blog every day this year. Oops.

We have a snow day today. So basically, I got in this huge fight with my mom last night because of school work that was due today, and it was all pointless. Now my eyes and nose just hurt from crying so much last night.

Only, she don't know she wasn't even the reason I was crying. He was. And that's pathetic. But I've needed to cry, and I haven't been able to, so when I started last night, I just couldn't stop.

1/1/10

Happy New Year, everyone! I hope your night was as good as mine. I freaking love my friends.

So, normally, I'm not into the whole resolution thing, because fact is, I never do it. EVER. But I figured I might as well come up with some anyway.

My number one: TAKE MORE PICTURES.
I have almost no pictures from last year, and it's really upsetting sometimes, to know I only have memories to remember it by. So this year, I'm getting evidence that I actually live!

Some more are just the basic ones. Get into shape. Start eating better. And spend WAY less time on the computer. Actually go outside every once and a while. That should get better once I can actually drive, which should be before this summer! :D