Tell me why I think about you
And tell me if you think about me
And tell me when you touch her
Is it really love or just another fantasy
And tell me does she make you laugh
And tell me does she make you move
And tell me does she get you
Take away your breath
Just tell me that it can't be true

There's these four walls,
I built them up.
Yeah, you tore right through them.
Now you're tearing me up.
I don't even know myself
from the face in the mirror.

Waves of you wash over me,
always tearing at my seems.
Trying to unravel me,
trying hard to find some means,
of destroying who I am,
and who I want to be, but
the more you try to change me,
the stronger I will be.

I thought that I could trust you,
that's why I let you in.
Why'd you have to do this?

Oh em gee. I'm on my cellular device.

blarg

days go by so fast now...
:(

I love talking on the phone with you. You should call me more often.

He Is We has done it again...

Wake up in the morning, it's not so bad.
I can taste you on my lips, and it makes me sad.
There's a part of me that just wants you back.
You're the one thing I want that I never did have.
That I never did have, oh no.

Fill me up, steam me up, hear me shout,
tip me over and pour me out.
Pour me out, on the concrete next to your feet.
Do I have to cry out, can you hear me?
Oh, just to be with you.

Oh gosh this bed it feels so cold.
My head was led by the lies you told.
But to this day my heart you stole.
In a bind, left behind, waiting for your call.

Fill me up, steam me up, hear me shout,
tip me over and pour me out.
Pour me out, on the concrete next to your feet.
Do I have to cry out, can you hear me?
Oh, just to be with you.

I will lay awake tonight,
and nothing here is feeling right.
So what's a girl to do?
With a mess like you.

Pour me out, on the concrete next to your feet.
Do I have to cry out, can you hear me?
Oh just to be.
Pour me out, on the concrete next to your feet.
Do I have to cry out, can you hear me?
Can you hear me?
Do I have to cry, can you hear me?
Oh, just to be, just to be with you.
Oh, just to be with you.
Oh, just to be with you.

:((

So, what's a girl to do with a mess like you?

I pretty much had the greatest birthday ever.
And I'm so glad that he didn't forget about me,
because I was waiting for that text all day.
When I got it, I was so happy.
It's their two month anniversary.
Now you know why.

Ooops...

I really intended to write a Merry Christmas blog, but I forgot.

Anyway, IT'S MY BIRTHDAYYYYYY!
AND I'M FINALLY SIXTEEEEEEEEN!

Just sayin'.

Try telling him that...

you push me away,
i scream like a kid.
i don't want you to go,
i don't want things to change.

"She was about to dump him and she said I love you to him just to see what he said! She doesn't deserve him."

And of course, like the fool he is, he said I love you back. And now I don't know what to do. Or if I should tell him. I started crying when I read that text, because it just proves everything I've ever thought. This is the one instance where I don't want to be right, because the last thing I ever want to see is one of my closest friends hurt.

You can only push me so far, before I turn and walk away forever.

Waves of you wash over me,
always tearing at my seems.
Trying to unravel me,
trying to find some means.
Of destroying who I am,
and who I want to be, but
the more you try to change me,
the stronger I will be.

Today...

Well, today...was...better? It still kills me, but I'm learning to deal with it. I just try to push the pain to the back. It's not good, but eventually it'll just stop. I hope that it will, anyway.

I can't believe that Christmas is so soon. I'm so stoked for that, my birthday and New Years! Parrrrrrtay.
:D

I don't know how much longer I can pretend that everything's alright.

Life stops for no one,
Love is utterly blind,
Nothing's really worth it,
Except for Jesus Christ.

I'm Not Alright - Sanctus Real

Burn away the pride,
bring me to my weakness,
'til everything I hide behind is gone.
And when I'm open wide,
with nothing left to cling to,
only You are there to lead me on.
'Cause honestly I'm not that strong.

I'm not alright,
I'm broken inside,
broken inside.
And all I go through,
it leads me to You,
it leads me to You.

He Is We

http://www.purevolume.com/heiswe
They write my life story in their songs. They make me feel not so crazy. I love them for that.

Walls

There's these four walls,
I built them on up.
You tore right through them,
now you're tearing me up.

Your Love Is My Drug - KE$HA

Maybe I need some rehab
Or maybe just need some sleep
I got a sick obsession
I'm seeing it in my dreams
I'm looking down every alley
I'm making us desperate 'cause
I'm staying up all night hoping
Hitting my head against the wall

What you got boy is hard to find
I think about it all the time
I'm all strung out, my heart is fried
I just can't get you off my mind

Because your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love
I said your love your love your love is my drug
Your love your love your love

Oh Lord, help me get through this week.

Holes Inside - Joe Brooks

When all that you’ve tried, leaves nothing but holes inside,
It seems like you’re wired, to stay here held in time,
Cause nothing seems to change, oh no.
No nothing’s gonna change, at all.
I can see it in your face, the hope has gone astray.

But if you hold tight, shadows will be lost in the light.
Oh cause sometimes, fate and your dreams will collide.
So don’t walk away from me,
Don’t walk away from me,
Don’t walk away from me.

http://www.myspace.com/joebrooksmusic
His songs are inspiring, beautiful, and help me through so much.
You should check him out.

Hahah, so true.

I texted you three hours ago.
It's so nice to know,
that the best friend I knew
is turning into someone
so far away from who he was.
It's all because of her,
who I've learned to accept.
But when are you going to learn
that I won't put up with this?
That maybe I have a soul.
That maybe I love you.
That without you I'm not whole.

And now I have to be her friend, because it's either that or I'll never move on.

You aren't worth this pain inside
All this pain that I try to hide
Sooner or later it'll all unwind
And then I'm the only one left

Imagine.

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world

You may say that I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one

...

I'm starting to realize that even if I told you, nothing would change. You obviously don't feel the same, and I need to accept that and move on. I can't say I'm glad you don't and probably will never know, but I can deal with that. Or at least I'll try.

I need you more than anything,
but you only search for her.
Pulling her from some ocean deep;
from where she'll never emerge.
She said she'll never love you,
so why are you wasting time?
These arms of mine are welcoming,
begging, please be mine.

Blame It On The Rain - He Is We

Does she look at you the way I do?
Try to understand the words you say,
and the way you move?
Does she get the same big rush,
When you go in for a hug and your cheeks brush?
Tell me am I crazy, or is this more then a crush?

Maybe I'm alone in this,
But I'd find peace in solitude knowing if
I had but just one kiss,
this whole room would be glowing.
We'd be glowing.

Blah.

Crappy, crappy weekend. Hopefully that's not foreshadowing a horrible week.

Say you're lonely one more time, and I'll shoot your foot. You kill me, kid.

Don't mind me...

I've been a complete and utter jerk to everyone around me lately.
I'm sorry.
I'm PMS'ing.

We drank the great lakes like cold lemonade.
And both got stomach aches sprawled out in the shade.
So bored to death you held your breath and I tried not to yawn.
You make my frown turn upside and now my worries are gone.

It's 11:11. And you know what I wish for? Not you this time, not anyone. I just wish that things would get back to normal.

Half of my heart's got a real good imagination
Half of my heart's got you
Half of my heart's got a right mind to tell you that half of my heart wont do
Half of my heart is a shotgun wedding to a bride with a paper ring
Half of my heart is the part of a man whose never truly loved anything

Well, well, well...

So, I'm bored and have nothing better to do with my time, so I'm just going to write this.

If you haven't noticed by my other blogs, life has been a bitch to me lately. I'd really like to stop complaining, but it only seems that every time I do, things just get worse. I'm losing myself, and I'm losing my best friends, and I haven't been taking it so well.

School still sucks. A lot, actually. Keeping my grades up is getting harder and harder to do, because I'm just starting not to care anymore. It's horrible, but I have no energy left to do anything else, and it's pissing me off. As my mom calls it, the sophomore blues. THIS YEAR SUCKS.

I've turned to writing more than anything lately. Poems are quickly becoming the only way I can get myself to calm down. Whether it's reading them or writing them myself. I've tried to start more stories on my site, but I just always get stuck. Poetry can be short and sweet, or it can be as long as you want it to be. I like that freedom.

I wish I had some more insightful words to say. Inspire someone or something, but sadly, I'm in too big of a rut myself to be thinking of anyone else. As horrible as that sounds, it's true. I've become a bitch, and I hate it.

I say the word just a whole flipping lot.

On a lighter note, my birthday is coming up. I can't wait to be sixteen. I'm sick of having to tell everyone that I'm fifteen. It just sounds so young.

OHAI

Hey December, it's nice of you to finally arrive.
I've missed you dearly.

You aren't worth this pain inside
All this pain that I try to hide
Sooner or later it'll all unwind
And then I'm the only one left