D':

I'm not welcome in my house right now. My annoying sister has her annoying friends over, and they talk SO MUCH. I want to shoot myself right now, because they're INSISTING on watching annoying movies all night long, in the living room, WHICH IS MY TURF. GET OFF MY LAWN! Haha, I won't say that again. WHY MAMMA MIA?!?!? WE JUST WATCHED IT LAST NIGHT, AND NOW WE HAVE TO WATCH IT AGAIN. Really, she could not get any more annoying.

I feel like bursting into tears, and I don't even know why. AND NO, I'M NOT PMS'ING, LMAO. Sorry, I just don't feel good at all, but I'm not tired, and I want to be on the computer, but they're interupting my peace. D':

Whatever.

well, it's been a few days.

and i haven't really blogged because...WE'VE HAD FOUR SNOW DAYS IN A ROW! haha. not that i'm rubbing it in or anything. (;

well, wednesday i went sledding for like the first time in a few years. let me just say this; i will never be too old to go sledding, not EVER.

i spent the night wednesday with the fletchness monster, and all day today with her. we went to wally-world and ate at generations. what a way to spend a snow day, haha. it was fun cause that's the first time we've really gotten to hang out, in what? a month. i missed it, lol.

TOMORROW; or technically today. i'm going to Wallahalla with KATIE BREWER!!!! and sheri, and hannah. and well, with a BUNCH of people. BUT, the best part is that we're going sledding before hand. it will be EPIC. (:

and now i think i'm going to get off to go read some brisingr. i haven't read all week. shame shame, haha. goodnight loves. ♥

snow is a wonderful thing.

thank you lord for all of this fluffy white goodness.

well, there's no school today, and i've been loving it. mommy's making cupcakes, i'm chillin' with my ramen noodles, and i finally have time to sit down and write. jessie is at peace. (:

so, i've been thinking about it, and i really need to spend more time in my bible, and with God. i just don't know how to at the moment. i've been thinkinfg about getting a daily devotion book, because honestly that would probably be the only thing that would keep me on track. i hate how forgetful i am.

well, yeah. that's it for now. i might go venture outside with some friends, haha. ♥

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

i got a 1 on my solo! which is like the best you can get! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! :D
that made my day, haha.

haha, other than that my day was pretty boring, considering i had to go get my eyes examined. blahhhh, turns out that the reason i got so many headaches is because my eyes want to drift out instead of focusing in on the words, so it takes more effort to focus. they have to put prisms in my glasses, which i guess is pretty cool, lol. i'm just glad i don't have to wear them all the time. only when i'm studying or reading, or on the computer. OH WAIT, that is all the time, lmao.

anyway, it's kind of late, and i should probably get to bed. night. ♥

did it hurt, when you fell from heaven?

EEK, solo and ensemble is tomorrow. i'm nervous, but i'm more excited than anything. haha, yay! i'm excited, lol. ♥

wellllllllllllll

my life is boring. guys are just jerks, except for the one who i don't know how to get through to, or alone even talk to. i'm officially a nerd, but i like that, haha. i'd rather be smart than a ditz. i want to start piano again, i miss it too much. i have to get glasses again, booooooo. my nails were perfect, and then i had to go and mess up ONE. i'm too lazy to fix it.

i'm going to bed now. goodnight. ♥

save me the heartache, all i want is you.

you have this tendency,
to break my dreams,
to break my heart,
into a million little pieces.

and i know you're no good for me,
but all i see is you in my dreams,
and your face and your eyes,
i want them close to mine.
but you don't see,
everything that we could be.

i'm a little shy, that's no lie,
and i know that making talk is hard.
just look in my eyes, make a tie,
with my heart and there we would be.

you seem to mean everything,
and all i see is you in my dreams,
and your face and your eyes,
i want them close to mine.
but you don't see,
everything that we could be.

please don't go breaking my heart,
i don't want to have to pick up the pieces.
but you don't see that,

you mean everything to me,
and all i see is you in my dreams,
and your face and your eyes,
i want them close to mine.

i feel like balling my eyes out, but i'm trying to stay strong. GAH; i've never felt like this before and it's pushing me over my edge of comfort, and i honestly don't know what to do.

have you ever thought...

of the things we'll get to do in heaven? it's mind boggling actually. just the possibilitites. i want to sail through the universe, and meet the stars. i want to meet people i never got to meet on earth, like my grandmother and george washington. i want to sing all day and all night, just praising the lord. haha, heaven sounds fun. (:

school better be canceled.

it's too cold to even step outside, haha.

well, my day was pretty uneventful. the only good thing about it was the two hour delay and intervention with KATIE BREWER!!!! ahah, we've decided that we're going to take pictures everyday in that class, and upload a new one everyday.

so if you want to see the adventures of KATIE BREWER!!! and JESSIE BENSON!!! in Geggie's 5th period intervention, just go to either of our myspace's. i'm serious. it's gonna be sweet! hahaha. :D

HOLY POOP; the jonas brothers are having a live chat on sunday, but the website that it's on doesn't WORK on my STUPID computer. grrrrrr. haha.

so, i'm watching the news, and for some ungodly reason i just heard something about kevin youkilis getting traded to the cincinatti reds. i WILL shoot myself. seriously, the reds SUCK and watching boston games won't be the same without being able to yell YOUKKKKKKKKKKK at the tv -- THANK THE LORD! he's staying with boston. i'm a happy person.

welp, i'm about out of things to say. and well, now i am out of things to say. hehe. (:

jessie ♥

i'm sorry,

that all i ever do is bitch and moan in this blog, but it's really helpful for me and you can decide to read it or not. i know that only a few people do read this, but whatever. i'm sorry you have to see so much of my bad side. i'll try and write more positive things.

:P

why?

i get bitched at for spending time with other people, and now the person that bitched at me can't even make enough time for me. what the hell is this? I CAN'T DO THIS. i can't. it's breaking me down and making me feel like shit.

i'm sick of feeling like shit.

friendships; they can either make you, or break you.

my friendships are slowly slipping out of my hands.

one already has, and it feels like a lost cause trying to get it back. don't get me wrong, we both tried, but it's just awkward now.

one friendship is being stolen, and is barely hanging on. we still haven't recovered from the fist fight we've ever had.

i'm not sure if one's even real in the other person's mind, and i'm afraid to call her a best friend.

and one only survived because of fifth period, and now that that's gone, i'm not sure what's going to happen to it.

why does this have to be so hard?

this sucks.

the new semester started today, and i HATE my new schedule. like seriously, do they feel the need to change everything and fuck up our mind set, and when we see our friends.

i don't have any classes with katie or zach anymore, and gym first period just SUCKS. i'm horrible at gym, and there is NO ONE in there that i know or that i'm friends with. it's stupid. really really stupid. plus now i don't see someone anymore like at all.

well, there is once that i see the back of his head, and then once that he walks behind me, and one time that it get to see his face, but seriously. that makes me sad.

the only enjoyable part of the day now is math and english, and it's only because those are my two favorite teachers.

my english class got really big, and my math class only got a few new kids from the other classes.

ugh, it's just too weird. way too weird.

sleep isn't easy.

i'm so exhausted, and can't seem to sleep at night. i don't know why all of the sudden i can't sleep, but it's taking toll on me.

anyway; new episodes of scrubs start tonight. that should make me feel better. i'll probably go to bed right after that, and at least try and sleep. otherwise, i'll just lay awake like i have for the past two nights.

i don't know how i did on my exams today, just because i was so tired. my geometry one was really easy. i paid four dollars to use my book, and didn't even end up having to use it. REFUND?! no. i'm kind of pissed to because it was my own money. the english one was harder than i thought and i know i messed most of it up. oh well. that's one of my highest grades so it shouldn't hurt me too much.

well, i'm gonna go have dinner, watch some scrubs, take a shower, then go to bed. night. ♥

hey you.

i wanted to bring something up here that i'd like anyone who reads this to pray for. a little boy, i think he's like eight, at my old church named celeb has been diagnosed with cancer. there's a tumor in this hip and it's too big to operate on. they're going to try and shrink it with kemo, but we've gotten news that it's not going very well. so pray for him. thank you.

i think i'm starting to like you...

but i don't ever want to ruin the friendship we have,
not EVER.

english papers blow. i'm so not looking forward to going back to school on monday. i've thrown myself so off schedule that monday is going to be total hell. plus tuesday we have to take stupid exams, that are just...stupid.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

my resolution: to stop forgetting about this thing all the time, haha.

welllll, my new years eve was amazing. i had a party that was the absolute shit, other than the fact that fletcher wasn't there. we totally had a jellybean/pretzel/pencil/book war in my room. so now it's like covered with, well, those four things, lmao.

i don't know what to expect this year. i don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing but i sure hope it's good. i can sence that a lot of things are going to change.

happy 2009 everyone.
♥